I left for Delhi for an internship in the spring of 2017. It was the first time I was stepping out of my home to study and work. Maa and Baba were a little uncomfortable about letting me go because my Didi (elder sister) was already staying away from them. They came to drop me and settle me in a hostel. I was anxious and somewhat happy about the internship as it was in a pretty big company. The reason I was happy is understood and I was anxious because I was very uncertain about my capabilities. That uncertainty persists, but at that time it was hitting my whole mind.
Delhi was new to me and all the shimmer and nightlife looked lit. My shift used to start at 5 am. It was difficult at first, but then I got used to it. I am not very social at first. I take a lot of time to make friends. So Delhi at that time wasn’t very welcoming. For two months, I used to wake up at 3:30 am, get ready for work and reach office, worked all the hours God sent, come back to my hostel, eat and sleep. No conversations with anyone except work-related talks with colleagues. Only the metro rides my way back from the office and short evening terrace walks were two things that kept me going. I think these two were the foundation of the love I have in me for my lone time. When I used to visit my parents in Kanpur, my best friend used to get mad at me that I have changed who I think understood later after a "pretty" serious fight! Hihi! As the internship was coming to an end, I was worried about what was next. I started applying for jobs. Some were from my field and some were not. After tests and interviews, I got into an MNC. All that was so new, happy and scary. But the work was interesting. I made some really good friends who are still in touch. Coming to what was constantly running on my mind, I was always an insecure person. There was always a fear that what if I am not good enough. The feeling persists and that stops me from being confident at work. It took a lot of time to decrease the pressure. I used to read, watch news channels, underline the news writing patterns, listen to the people around me having different angles about a news report and many more. But above all these fears, every part of it was important to me because I valued the freedom my job gave me. It was low-pay, but it was mine. My parents always wanted us, sisters, to be independent, but somewhere they crippled to make us feel secure. The feeling of security which was missing since I left for Delhi the first time, stayed with me throughout.
It is wrong to say that I chose this life with all my heart. But it is correct that I was given choices and this was the best option at that time and I am now happy too. I went with what was convenient for my family. I could have been more, but it's all worth it when they feel that I tried to be there for them when they needed me at the peak of my career.
That's all folks, Make good choices and hustle Bye.
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