It was a stormy day of summer and rain was about to come. My elder sister (Didi) and I were returning from our music class. She was taking guitar lessons and I was training in classical music. As we were heading home, we took a rickshaw (a tricycle). It was windy and as it already had rained a bit, the roads were a bit slippery. I was 8 and my sister was only 14. I was hell scared and maybe that’s why Didi tried to move me closer to her. As the rickshaw was about to take a sharp turn, it slipped and we fell. Well, I didn’t get hurt because Didi tried to hold me in a way so that I fall over her. She got bruised and I was spared without a single scratch.
She was 14 when she tried to save me in that accident. A teenager whose first instinct was to save her little sister was one of the first realisations in my life of the love she had for me. Didi, to me, was that person I unknowingly believed that she would stay. No matter what, she is the person, who won't leave.
But you left! You were so full, you couldn't stay. I am unable to figure out how I will live this life. I have so many people in my life right now, but it always feels heavy.
You used to talk about lush green lands, big trees, colourful birds, fresh flowers and fruits, and the cool breeze. Your face used to light up while talking about all those things. While you were all about the day, I was a night person. I could roam on the terrace at 2 am and watch stars and the moon, the clouds coming and covering the night sky. It felt foolish before while listening to songs and reading poems saying I can feel you in the breeze. Well, not anymore. I guess, when you cannot have someone in person anymore, you look for them in every bit of the world having life. I see from my office windows, it's chilly and windy outside. I see the leaves of the big trees fluttering. I didn't see any face, but that heaviness I felt all over the body was clearly her.
It has been months since I have seen you. I have heard, pain comes with an expiration date, but this one keeps on coming. Maybe you will live within me as that pain. I will always carry the guilt of not writing you a single letter. You wanted to have one in the old style which you open and read and cherish. Live with me in my guilt and pain, if you want to! I will carry it fondly.
I love you so much!
See you.
Comments